1
00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,471
( cartoon music playing on TV )

2
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:10,578
Hi.
Hi, Uncle Charlie.

3
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:12,046
How was your game?

4
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:15,416
Ah, the musicians'
softball league is a joke.

5
00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:18,586
Guys trying to catch stuff
that isn't there.

6
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,656
People throwing up on
an easy double play ball.

7
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:24,192
So why do you go?

8
00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:27,195
There's an open bar,
and they let me pitch.

9
00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:28,696
Well, I've got to get dressed.

10
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,431
Uh, I was going to
throw this toast out,

11
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:33,367
but it's yours
if you want it.

12
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:36,604
When did I become
the family dog?

13
00:00:45,113 --> 00:00:47,181
Hey, Jake, what's this?
A phone message?

14
00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:49,217
Yeah, some lady
called for you.

15
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:52,753
Who? I can't
read your writing.

16
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:56,457
"You're a big, selfish jerk."

17
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:04,298
Okay, I know who this is.

18
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:07,101
Amy.

19
00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:08,402
Probably Amy.

20
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:11,105
Yep, Amy.
She wants you to call her back.

21
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:12,573
Yeah, that'll happen.

22
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:13,741
Why not?

23
00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:17,611
Because I never said
I'd call her back.

24
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,347
Remember this, Jake.

25
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:22,383
Never make promises to women
that you don't intend to keep.

26
00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:23,684
And you know how you do that?

27
00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,686
Always keep my promises?

28
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,955
That might work.

29
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:31,159
A better way
is never make promises.

30
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,261
What happens if Amy calls again?

31
00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:36,130
Okay, I'm glad you asked that.

32
00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:38,366
When the phone rings
at Uncle Charlie's house,

33
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:41,068
we don't just willy-nilly pick
up the receiver and answer it.

34
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:42,336
No.

35
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:44,472
What we do,

36
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,707
is we check the caller ID.

37
00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:51,645
And only pick up if we
want to talk to that person.

38
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:52,680
Like Mom?

39
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:55,349
That depends.

40
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:58,619
Your mom, yes.
My mom, no.

41
00:01:58,686 --> 00:02:00,654
How come you don't want
to talk to your mom?

42
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:03,724
I'll tell you all about that
when you're old enough to drink.

43
00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:07,161
What if I want
to talk to your mom?

44
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:08,796
Okay, that kind of attitude

45
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:11,965
is going to break down
the whole system.

46
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:14,668
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *

47
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:15,769
* Men... *

48
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:26,580
( phone ringing )

49
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,616
Dad, no,
don't pick up the phone!

50
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:30,083
Why not?

51
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,719
It might be your mom.

52
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:33,287
Or a woman.

53
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:38,426
It's Amy again.
She just won't give up.

54
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,895
Charlie...

55
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,367
Hey, look, I appreciate
the need for privacy,

56
00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:47,701
but I think you're
sending a bad message

57
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,637
to my son about how
to deal with women.

58
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:50,804
How so?

59
00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:52,573
He thinks it's okay
to avoid somebody

60
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,808
just because the conversation
might be uncomfortable.

61
00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,748
Charlie?

62
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,683
Okay, that's
not funny.

63
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:05,686
Look, if I'm teaching
the kid anything,

64
00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:06,887
it's honesty.

65
00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:08,489
Really?

66
00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,057
Walk me
through the lesson, Charlie.

67
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:11,225
Educate me.

68
00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:12,526
Okay.

69
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,061
I tell women up front
I'm not looking

70
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:14,995
for a long-term relationship.

71
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:15,929
Mm-hmm.

72
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,331
If they don't believe me

73
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,233
or they're determined
to change my mind,

74
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,269
I have a right to avoid
that conversation.

75
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:23,136
And the phone company
obviously agrees with me,

76
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,739
otherwise they wouldn't
have invented Caller ID.

77
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:30,378
Uncle Charlie, what if somebody
you don't want to talk to

78
00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:32,212
comes over instead of calls?

79
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,514
Tell them I'm not here.

80
00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,483
He's not here, Grandma!

81
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:40,421
Mom, you just
surprised me.

82
00:03:40,488 --> 00:03:41,555
You should
have called first.

83
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,391
Charlie, I call constantly.

84
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:45,726
You screen like
an Olympic drug tester.

85
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:48,629
I'm happy
to see you, Mom.

86
00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,197
I don't believe you, sweetheart,

87
00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:51,932
but at least
you care enough to lie.

88
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:55,703
Hey, I care enough to lie.
You just caught me off-guard.

89
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,572
So what are
you doing here?

90
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,508
Well, I'm showing
a house up the beach,

91
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,676
and I thought while
I'm in the neighborhood,

92
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,579
I would drop off a gift
for my grandson.

93
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:07,281
You're writing him a check?

94
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,350
What kind
of gift is that?

95
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:13,321
You told me he likes
Transformer toys.

96
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:18,526
This check transforms
into any toy he wants.

97
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,594
Wow, thanks, Grandma.

98
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:23,631
Is that all?
Don't I get a hug?

99
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:25,866
Oh, your grandma loves you

100
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,535
so, so, so much.

101
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,338
Oh! Grandma's got
to go to work.

102
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:32,940
Nobody just gives her checks.

103
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:36,610
Walk me out.

104
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:39,046
In case
you're at all interested,

105
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,648
I've been
seeing a man,

106
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,650
and he just may be
the one.

107
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,184
Hey, five time's a charm.

108
00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:45,419
Four.

109
00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:47,020
But what about
the guy with the...?

110
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:48,756
That was annulled.
Oh.

111
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:51,492
Oh, boy, are we
going to have a new daddy?

112
00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:54,695
Oh, bite me, Charlie.

113
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,265
Now I'd like to have
a dinner at the house

114
00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,500
so you boys can meet him.

115
00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:00,734
What night is good for you?

116
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,270
Uh, what night
do you want us?

117
00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:06,106
Uh, uh, uh.
I asked you first.

118
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:11,479
( both mumbling )

119
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:15,749
...check my calendar...
...don't really want to...

120
00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:21,989
Tomorrow night.
7:00.

121
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:25,493
It's very important to me,
and I hope you can make it.

122
00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:27,595
But I'll certainly
understand

123
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,563
if you're too busy
for your mother.

124
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,003
You know what she's
trying to do, don't you?

125
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:37,137
Of course I know.

126
00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:38,238
Then maybe one
of us should go.

127
00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:39,072
Oh, sure, you go,
I look bad.

128
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:40,240
What do you care?

129
00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:41,509
I don't care.
Then don't go.

130
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:43,110
I'm not going.
I'm not going either.

131
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,379
I'm not staying.

132
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:46,580
We'll eat, we'll go.

133
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:47,415
No coffee, no dessert.

134
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:48,749
We can't be rude.

135
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:50,884
Watch me.
I refuse to let that woman...

136
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,887
Hi, Mom.

137
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,055
Better late than never.

138
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,256
We're right on time.

139
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:58,892
I was referring
to the big picture.

140
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,294
Hey, Grandma.

141
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:05,098
And look, you've brought Jake
to meet my new beau.

142
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:06,567
Come here,
sweetheart.

143
00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:09,202
Now tonight, you and I
are going to play a game,

144
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:12,339
and the name of the game is...

145
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:15,175
"Don't call me Grandma."

146
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:16,977
What kind of game is that?

147
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,311
It's a fun game, honey.

148
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,915
It only has one rule:
you have to call me "Evelyn."

149
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:22,850
Okay.

150
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:24,818
Try it.

151
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,319
Evelyn.

152
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,722
See? We're having
fun already.

153
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:31,391
Oh, look, you
didn't bring wine.

154
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:33,827
Good. Too many people
bring wine.

155
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,366
Tommy, darling.

156
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:41,502
I'd like you
to meet my sons.

157
00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,136
This is Charlie.

158
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:44,371
Hello.
Hi, Tommy, how are you?

159
00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:45,372
Alan.

160
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:46,373
Hello.
Alan.

161
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,608
And this is Jake.

162
00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:50,077
Yes, I am, Evelyn.

163
00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:53,681
Let's not beat it
to death, okay?

164
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,382
Good to meet you, Jake.

165
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:56,450
Oh!

166
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:57,851
There you are.

167
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,120
Boys, this is Tommy's
daughter, Olivia.

168
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:02,222
Hey, hello, Charlie.

169
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:05,025
Hey, there... stranger.

170
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,359
You two know
each other?

171
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,428
I thought I knew him.

172
00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:11,599
Oh, no.

173
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:13,233
Okay, who'd
like a drink?

174
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:14,468
I would like a drink.

175
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,169
Charlie, come help me
with drinks.

176
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:17,270
Alan, talk to Olivia.

177
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:19,106
Alan was a cesarean.

178
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:22,910
Oh.

179
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:26,346
It-it wasn't,
uh, medically necessary.

180
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:30,283
She just...
had a function to go to.

181
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:31,785
Is there anyone

182
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:35,823
in the 310 area code
that you have not mounted?

183
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:38,892
Come on, we went out
a couple of times.

184
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,961
She assumed it was
an exclusive thing,

185
00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:42,295
and when she found out
it wasn't,

186
00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:43,764
she got a little upset.

187
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:50,437
Anyway, Tommy seems
like a real nice guy.

188
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,472
I'm very happy for you.
Good night.

189
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,875
Charles...

190
00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:57,344
you are not going anywhere.

191
00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:59,647
This man
is very important to me.

192
00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:00,848
No we are going
to have a nice dinner,

193
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:02,616
you are going to be charming,

194
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,518
and Tommy will remain
oblivious to the fact

195
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:06,687
that you've
defiled his daughter.

196
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:11,124
Hey, she wasn't exactly
"filed" when I met her.

197
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:13,460
You don't know how lucky you are

198
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:14,695
to have a mother like Evelyn.

199
00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:17,497
She is the warmest,
most affectionate,

200
00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:19,533
giving woman I've ever know.

201
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,602
That's my mom.

202
00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:23,671
Call her "Evelyn."

203
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,105
That's the game.

204
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:30,010
You play your game;
I'll play mine.

205
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:31,344
Here we are.

206
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,947
There's my little
karaoke cupcake.

207
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,850
Oh, Tommy, you are
not telling that story!

208
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:40,053
We took one of those
little cruises to Alaska,

209
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,689
glaciers and whales--
I didn't quite see

210
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:43,957
the point of it all--
but during the evening,

211
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,926
there was this
karaoke competition.

212
00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:48,762
And as you know, I'm no
stranger to the stage.

213
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:50,564
Yes, Mom, I know.

214
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,032
Excuse me.

215
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:56,570
Uh, anyway, you know how
I've always sung, um,

216
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,005
"These Boots Are
Made For Walking"?

217
00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,707
With my little dance routine.

218
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:03,476
Yes, Mom, I-I have it
on my wedding video.

219
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,045
So how have you been?

220
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:07,047
Um, you know...

221
00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:08,481
No, I don't.

222
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,017
When people
don't return your calls,

223
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,685
it's kind of hard to know
how they've been.

224
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:14,421
Okay, look, I know this
is an awkward coincidence...

225
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:15,756
It's no coincidence.

226
00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:17,557
When my father told me
who he was dating,

227
00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:19,259
I made it a point to be here.

228
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:20,994
Oh...

229
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:24,231
well, you can't argue
the awkward part.

230
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:27,601
So I'm zipping up my boots,
I am about to go onstage,

231
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:30,604
when this hausfrau
from Tone-Deaf Texas

232
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,239
gets up and starts

233
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:33,841
singing my song.

234
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,644
Well, I think you could
imagine how unhappy I was.

235
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,245
OLIVIA:
Don't tell me
to calm down!

236
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:39,146
You lied to me.

237
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:40,347
I did not lie to you.

238
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,949
And you could have
told me this on the phone.

239
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,550
Your never
answer your phone.

240
00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:44,852
Of course not.

241
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,187
Who wants to have
this conversation?

242
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:52,425
So, um, uh, I, uh, I
sidled up to the woman

243
00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:58,365
and-and really very smoothly,
turned it into a duet.

244
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,167
When suddenly,

245
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:01,334
she starts pushing me...

246
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,270
OLIVIA:
You said I was
very special

247
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:04,004
to you.

248
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:04,838
You were.

249
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:07,007
Yeah. Me and three
other women.

250
00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:09,309
I said you were special.
Not unique.

251
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,814
Drop dead,
you bastard!

252
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,685
E-Excuse me.

253
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:29,029
In my defense...

254
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:33,934
Ah, screw it.

255
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:36,369
Finish the story,
Evelyn.

256
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:37,838
Did you push her back?

257
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,915
Stupid musicians' league.

258
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:51,785
I don't know
why I bother.

259
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:55,188
Get this: tie score,
we're down to our last out.

260
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:57,958
Our best hitter,
Billy Kresky, is up.

261
00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:59,192
The bases are loaded.

262
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:01,829
So is Kresky.

263
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:04,364
His whole family
is standing behind the backstop,

264
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,666
crying and pleading,
"Go back to rehab, Daddy!

265
00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:09,669
We love you!"

266
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,840
Needless to say,
he choked.

267
00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:16,710
Charlie, I think we've
got a bigger problem.

268
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:17,878
Our mother is missing.

269
00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:20,513
Oh, don't try
to cheer me up.

270
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:21,949
I'm serious.

271
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,484
I called her home, her car,
her cell. Nothing.

272
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:28,121
Did you check with the captain
of the flying monkeys?

273
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:28,922
Charlie...

274
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:30,257
She's probably just sulking

275
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:32,625
because I screwed up
her dinner party last week.

276
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,128
That's what I thought, too,
except I called her office,

277
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,897
and they haven't heard
from her either.

278
00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:38,298
Okay, that's weird.

279
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,367
Yeah, I think somebody
needs to go over there

280
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:41,468
and make sure she's okay.

281
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:42,269
Good idea.

282
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:43,270
You do that,

283
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:45,105
and I'll stay here
in case she calls.

284
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:47,407
Wh-Why don't you go,

285
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:48,909
and I'll stay here
in case she calls?

286
00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:50,744
No, I got to be honest.
I like my idea better.

287
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:51,812
Well, I'm not going there alone.

288
00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:53,213
I'm not going
at all!

289
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,515
What do you want to bet
she ran off to Vegas

290
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:56,750
to marry this Tommy guy.

291
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:58,485
Hey, i-if that's all
this is, great.

292
00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,753
The only downside would be

293
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,154
that you slept
with our stepsister.

294
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,756
Huh. I hadn't
thought of that.

295
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:03,757
Kind of sexy.

296
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,192
Kind of sick.

297
00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:06,960
I'm saying.

298
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,329
Look, there's
no one here.

299
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:10,163
Let's go.

300
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,865
No, no,
I want to take a look.

301
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,367
You have a key?

302
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,904
I'm the good son.

303
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,209
ALAN:
Mom?

304
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:28,215
Okay, she's not here.
Let's go.

305
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:33,987
Okay, she's here.
Let's go.

306
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:35,355
Charlie, wait a minute.

307
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:35,989
Mom,

308
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,490
are you all right?

309
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:39,092
Why-why haven't you
been answering the phone?

310
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:40,460
I didn't want
to burden anyone

311
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:43,630
with my grief
over the late Tommy Pearson.

312
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:44,865
Tommy died?

313
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,535
Well...

314
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:51,171
he's dead to me.

315
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,774
Okay. What happened?

316
00:12:54,842 --> 00:12:56,543
He dumped me.

317
00:12:56,609 --> 00:13:00,047
Mom, I'm sorry, but the thing
between me and his daughter

318
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,850
happened years before
you even met the guy.

319
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,685
This has nothing to do
with you, Charlie.

320
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:07,287
God, you're a narcissist.

321
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:15,595
No, Tommy left me for some
fresh-faced 45-year-old bimbo.

322
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:16,830
Yeah, I'm sorry, Mom.

323
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,899
I-I know he meant
a lot to you.

324
00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,667
Yeah, I-I'm sorry, too.

325
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:23,904
Thank you, Alan.
Nice try, Charlie.

326
00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:26,840
Now, if you'll
both please leave,

327
00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:28,275
I'd like to be alone.

328
00:13:30,377 --> 00:13:31,511
We understand.

329
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,147
Charlie, wait.

330
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:36,683
We can't just
leave her here.

331
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:39,819
Fine. Where do you want
to leave her?

332
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:41,421
Hey, Mom, why don't you, uh,

333
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:44,124
why don't you come back
and stay at Charlie's house

334
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:45,225
for a few days?
How's that?

335
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:46,593
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
time out.

336
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,961
Don't worry, Charlie.

337
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:50,898
I have no desire to impose
on your life.

338
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:53,233
Appreciate it.
All right, then, chin up.

339
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,704
You sure, Mom?

340
00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:59,706
Yes. Thank you, Alan.

341
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,541
Okay.

342
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:05,879
Oh, God...

343
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:11,919
( quietly ):
So close.

344
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,592
How long is she going
to sit out there?

345
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:20,793
I don't know.

346
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,695
I've never seen her
this depressed.

347
00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:24,364
Somebody's got
to go out there

348
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:26,934
and show her
a little love and support.

349
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:30,170
Jake?

350
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:36,643
Um, w-why don't you go out
and talk to Grandma?

351
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:37,810
Why?

352
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,413
'Cause she's a little lonely.

353
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,849
She's your mom.

354
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,517
Don't sass me.
Go talk to Grandma.

355
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:51,959
Hi, Evelyn.

356
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:55,062
Oh, please, call me Grandma.

357
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:56,663
Well, what about the game?

358
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,665
Games are for children, Jake.

359
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:07,074
You know, Uncle Charlie
got me a metal detector,

360
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:09,142
and sometimes I find
cool stuff on the beach.

361
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,244
That's nice, but you know,

362
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:14,982
that cool stuff
is stuff that other people lost

363
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:16,950
and will never get back.

364
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,952
Trinkets and treasures

365
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:22,589
buried beneath
the lonely sands of time.

366
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:25,858
Yeah, but finders, keepers,
right?

367
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,528
And losers, weepers.

368
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:35,835
He's getting killed
out there.

369
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:36,803
Well...

370
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:38,538
he's not crying yet.

371
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,308
Somebody needs to go out there
and back him up.

372
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:44,711
Ten bucks says
it's not me.

373
00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:53,386
Hey, what's going on
with you two...?

374
00:15:56,489 --> 00:16:00,260
Kid's got a bladder
the size of a pea.

375
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:03,430
You were a bed wetter,
if I recall.

376
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:17,510
You know...
you know what-what

377
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:20,480
Jake would-would really
get a kick out of?

378
00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:24,017
If you could sing while Charlie
played the piano, huh?

379
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:26,219
Oh, oh, no, Alan.
I couldn't.

380
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:28,921
Besides,
Charlie always hated that.

381
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,058
Are you kidding?
It was his idea!

382
00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:32,692
( laughs )

383
00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:39,332
( playing lively intro )

384
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,601
EVELYN:
* These boots are made
for walkin' *

385
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:44,604
* And that's just
what they'll do *

386
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:48,775
* One of these days
these boots are gonna... *

387
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,743
( playing slowly )

388
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,179
Pick it up, Charlie.

389
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:53,846
We're walking, not crawling.

390
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:55,948
Are you ready,
boots?

391
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,318
( playing jazzy riff )

392
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,426
Okay, now.

393
00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:07,294
One more time!

394
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,129
EVELYN:
A-one, two.

395
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:10,463
One, two, three.

396
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,032
* You keep sayin'
you got... *

397
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:37,690
Mom? You okay?

398
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,659
Oh, go back to bed, Charlie.

399
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,494
No, I'm up.

400
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,197
Hard to sleep
after a big show.

401
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:48,435
Thank you for that.

402
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:50,870
It brought back
some nice memories.

403
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,739
You still got some chops, Mom.

404
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:55,708
You were rushing the tempo
towards the end there.

405
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:58,511
Sorry. I always get
a little carried away

406
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,814
when you do
the James Brown medley.

407
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,486
Oh, Charlie.

408
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:09,689
Your mother's
a real sad case, isn't she?

409
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,724
Oh, you'll get over him.

410
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,660
There's other guys.

411
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:16,095
He never even called.

412
00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:18,465
He never even said good-bye.

413
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:22,835
Maybe... maybe he was scared.

414
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:25,472
Of what?

415
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:28,775
I knew there were
no promises, no strings.

416
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:33,480
That-that doesn't mean
there can't be common courtesy.

417
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:38,084
Huh.

418
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:42,689
To think I meant
that little to him.

419
00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:50,463
It'll be okay, Mom.

420
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:54,000
Hey, you still got me and Alan.

421
00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:56,403
Oh, Charlie, please.

422
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:59,539
I know how difficult
things are between us.

423
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:02,975
Maybe it's my fault.

424
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:06,246
It's not all your fault.

425
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:10,617
I-I probably haven't been
the best son.

426
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:13,220
( sighs )

427
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:16,389
I just want you
to know that

428
00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:21,694
in my way,
I want you to be happy, and...

429
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:26,466
...I love you.

430
00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:33,840
Well, I guess I'll go pack.

431
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,475
Why?

432
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:37,310
Oh, I'm going home.

433
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:39,178
In the middle
of the night?

434
00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:42,815
Charlie, you just said
you loved me.

435
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:48,855
You could only screw it up
from here.

436
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:04,437
( playing "Love Me Tender"
on piano )

437
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:09,342
* Oh, my darling, I love you

438
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:13,980
* And I always will.

439
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,082
( playing final notes )

440
00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:17,950
Donkey Kong!

441
00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:20,820
"Danke Schoen."

442
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,121
"Danke Schoen!"

443
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:23,623
"Danke Schoen." B flat.

444
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:24,957
One, two...