1 00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,539 WOMAN: Charlie, 2 00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:07,541 honey, wake up. 3 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,544 Good morning. 4 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,246 You lied to me, Charlie. 5 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,749 You said it was just going to be the two of us. 6 00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:18,819 I didn't lie, Berta. 7 00:00:18,886 --> 00:00:20,088 Things change. 8 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,589 Good-bye, Charlie. 9 00:00:23,091 --> 00:00:25,059 Don't leave me, Berta. 10 00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:27,161 I love you. 11 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,429 Can't we talk about this? 12 00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:29,497 Sorry. 13 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:30,864 I do single men only. 14 00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:31,899 I'm in, I'm out. 15 00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:33,667 There are no complications. 16 00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,203 But I am single. 17 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,570 ALAN: Uh, Berta, 18 00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:38,172 I hate to bring this up again, 19 00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,540 but you just... you cannot 20 00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,542 put the peanut butter in the refrigerator. 21 00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:42,543 It gets hard. 22 00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:44,412 And, uh, 23 00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:45,579 and on a related subject-- 24 00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,081 the peanut butter stains 25 00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:49,950 on Jake's shirts really require an enzyme presoak. 26 00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:54,588 I hope you two will be very happy together. 27 00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:56,190 But who's going to take care of me? 28 00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:57,758 Who's going to do the laundry 29 00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:58,926 and the shopping and the cleaning 30 00:00:58,992 --> 00:00:59,927 and all the other stuff? 31 00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:01,729 Ask the scrubbing bubble there. 32 00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,701 Uncle Charlie, why is Berta leaving? 33 00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:08,936 Why? 34 00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:10,838 Doesn't matter, Jake. 35 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,806 What matters is she's gone. 36 00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:17,845 And we're all going to die. 37 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:21,615 * Men... * 38 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:30,958 She left before she made the coffee. 39 00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:32,126 So? 40 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,595 We'll make our own coffee. 41 00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:37,097 How? 42 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,475 So now we just wait? 43 00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,843 Yes. It-It takes a couple of minutes. 44 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,316 Alan, this goes beyond coffee. 45 00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:56,250 Berta's been with me forever. 46 00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:57,718 She does everything. 47 00:01:57,785 --> 00:02:00,254 She's like a wife that leaves before you wake up 48 00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:02,256 and doesn't mind if you sleep around. 49 00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:03,624 ( bell dings ) 50 00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:05,393 Is that the coffee? 51 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,760 It's my peanut butter. 52 00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:07,961 Made it soft. 53 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,198 Charlie, I've been trying 54 00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:11,532 to figure out a way to repay you 55 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:13,066 for letting me and Jake stay here. 56 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,635 Why don't I take over the housework? 57 00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:16,637 Berta did the shopping, too. 58 00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:17,905 I can do that. 59 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,540 She did my laundry. 60 00:02:19,607 --> 00:02:22,042 In her way, yes. 61 00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:23,076 But I can handle that, too. 62 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,279 And look. 63 00:02:25,346 --> 00:02:28,081 I even made your coffee. 64 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,350 Thank you. 65 00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:31,419 Hmm. 66 00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:34,255 No. Uh-uh. 67 00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,090 Not as good as Berta's. Well, 68 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,359 it's her coffee. 69 00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:40,060 I just... I just pressed the button. 70 00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:43,597 Berta's tasted-- I don't know-- 71 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:44,865 Christmassy. 72 00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:47,901 Well-well, what does that mean, "Christmassy?" What...? 73 00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,170 It means, like Christmas. 74 00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:51,372 No. You... 75 00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:53,307 you got to work with me, Charlie. 76 00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:55,609 I mean, nutmeg, cinnamon, powdered reindeer? 77 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:56,710 I don't know. 78 00:02:56,777 --> 00:03:01,048 It's just that when you drank it, 79 00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:04,051 Sweet 'N Low, half and half, 80 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:06,019 Mocha Mix. 81 00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:07,020 No, forget it. 82 00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:08,489 I'll just read my paper. 83 00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,391 Uh-oh. 84 00:03:10,458 --> 00:03:12,393 Where's my paper? 85 00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:13,594 I don't know. 86 00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:15,463 You might try looking by the front door. 87 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,598 No, no. It's usually right here on the table. 88 00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:20,268 Okay, so before you got up, Berta started the coffee 89 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,769 and got you your paper. 90 00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:25,005 Well, I don't know the mechanics of it, but, yeah. 91 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,774 I'll go get it. 92 00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:32,713 He's not off to a very good start. 93 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,250 Want a glass of peanut butter? 94 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,989 Here. 95 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,569 Alan? 96 00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:56,804 Yeah. 97 00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:57,971 I can see you. 98 00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:01,942 And I can see you, too. 99 00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:07,981 No. I mean, Berta never cleaned when I was in the room. 100 00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:09,383 She was, like, invisible. 101 00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:10,584 I'm sorry. 102 00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,786 I'll try to be more transparent. 103 00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,622 Appreciate it. 104 00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,664 Oh, no. 105 00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:24,565 I see you. 106 00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:26,800 ALAN: Oh, give me a break. 107 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:27,868 Not you. 108 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,670 That girl that's been stalking me. 109 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,706 Rose? 110 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,308 Oh, there you are. 111 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:35,643 ( laughs ) 112 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,911 What are you doing, sneaking up on me like that? 113 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,079 ( laughs ) 114 00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:40,047 Uh, 115 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,382 Rose, honey, 116 00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:43,250 we spent one night together, 117 00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:45,052 and it was very nice, but... 118 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:47,220 What was your favorite part? 119 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,889 Gee, I'd have to say, 120 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:52,893 finding out you live just two doors down. 121 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,395 Sometimes it's all I can do 122 00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:57,264 not to shoot through that house in the middle. 123 00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,866 Yeah. 124 00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:00,133 Uh... 125 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,036 but see, I'm not looking for a relationship right now, 126 00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:05,739 so maybe you should find someone 127 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,941 who can give you the attention you want. 128 00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:10,243 Need. Deserve. 129 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,580 Require. 130 00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,116 Are you saying we should see other people? 131 00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,085 Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying. 132 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,753 You have so much love to give, 133 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:22,122 and somewhere out there is a guy who... 134 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,525 can take it. 135 00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:26,360 Well, there is this one guy... 136 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,396 He sounds perfect. 137 00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:30,364 His-his name is Andy. 138 00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:31,765 He works at Jamba Juice. 139 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,435 He always gives me a free wheat grass shooter 140 00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:35,969 and chuckles when I gag. 141 00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:37,971 ( laughs ) 142 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,673 Then ask him out. 143 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,875 That seems kind of forward, don't you think? 144 00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:42,743 No. Come on. 145 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,344 Women ask guys out all the time. 146 00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:45,846 What they don't do 147 00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,848 is handcuff themselves to the refrigerator 148 00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:51,251 when he says it's time to go home. 149 00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:54,087 That's where you and I went off the track, isn't it? 150 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,524 Hey, I'm the past. 151 00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:59,493 Andy's the future. 152 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:00,828 Bye-bye now. 153 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,996 Good luck. 154 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,466 Andy. 155 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,503 ( plays piano ) 156 00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:22,616 Alan? 157 00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,585 What did you do to my piano? 158 00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:25,919 Nothing. I just dusted. 159 00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,521 Yeah. Well, I'm-I'm sitting here 160 00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:29,790 trying to write a jingle about a chocolate bar, 161 00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:32,660 and my piano smells like lemons. 162 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,027 Gee, I'm sorry, Charlie, 163 00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,564 but they don't make chocolate Pledge. 164 00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,098 Okay, maybe I'm not making myself clear. 165 00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:39,567 Mm-hmm. 166 00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:43,871 The rest of the house can smell like any food you want, 167 00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:47,074 but my piano needs to smell... 168 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:48,075 Pianoey. 169 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,242 There you go. 170 00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:50,343 Fine. 171 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,845 I'll get an unscented polish. 172 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:56,049 Well, that's not going to help me now, is it? 173 00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:58,018 Nope. 174 00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:58,886 You know what, Charlie? 175 00:06:58,952 --> 00:06:59,987 You are a child. 176 00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:01,989 You're a-a-a big, high-maintenance child. 177 00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,558 I am not a child. 178 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:05,726 Where are you going? 179 00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:06,359 Well, 180 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,728 if I can't write 181 00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:09,797 my chocolate song, I'm going to take a nap. 182 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,105 ( whispering ): Charlie, 183 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,540 are you asleep? 184 00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:23,877 I'm doing a load of whites. 185 00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:11,992 ( groans ) 186 00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:13,360 Geez. 187 00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:14,828 Charlie?! 188 00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:15,629 What? 189 00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,297 You kicked me in your sleep. 190 00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,767 Who said I was asleep? 191 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,334 I can't do this anymore. 192 00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:22,502 You are impossible. 193 00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:23,671 Hey, don't blame me. 194 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,038 I tried to make it work. 195 00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,106 Excuse me. 196 00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,274 Berta quit at 9:00. 197 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,275 It's now 2:30. 198 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,342 When did you try? 199 00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:30,611 Where is the trying? 200 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:33,313 Hey, you're the one who made Berta quit. 201 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:34,748 I didn't make her quit. 202 00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:37,217 I simply raised the bar of quality housework, 203 00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:39,653 and she insisted on limboing under it. 204 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,489 But since you obviously can't live without her-- 205 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,558 you big baby-- I will go apologize, 206 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:45,826 and get her back. Great. 207 00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,094 So where does she live? 208 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,065 I don't know. 209 00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:53,867 Okay. 210 00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:55,135 What's her last name? 211 00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:59,840 Your entire life depends on this woman, 212 00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,809 and you know nothing about her. 213 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,611 Wait! 214 00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:05,112 She took a bus. 215 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,816 I stand corrected. 216 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:09,817 Oh, oh. 217 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,719 Uh, after she works here in the morning, 218 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,186 she cleans some rock star's house. 219 00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:14,788 Okay. What rock star? Where? 220 00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:15,923 ( knocking ) 221 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,758 Steven Tyler from Aerosmith. 222 00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:21,028 4456 Malibu Canyon Road. 223 00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,897 Thank you. 224 00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:26,166 Now, listen, Judith is coming by 225 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,335 at 5:00 to pick up Jake for dinner with her parents. 226 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:31,104 Now I-I should be back by then, but you need to make sure 227 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,606 that he is dressed and ready to go. 228 00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:33,774 No problem. 229 00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,142 No, no. It is a problem, Charlie. 230 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,210 I am trying desperately to reconcile with my wife, 231 00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,913 so I don't want to do anything that's going to tick her off, 232 00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,615 so you telling me it's no problem 233 00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:42,650 does not reassure me. Here. 234 00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:43,751 Take my sock. 235 00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,953 I want to show you a trick. 236 00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,690 I'll go get Berta. 237 00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:51,925 You make sure Jake is ready. 238 00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,094 Hi. 239 00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:55,896 Hello. 240 00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,931 There are security cameras out front, 241 00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:00,467 so come up from the back and bring some dog treats 242 00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,069 in case the Rottweilers are out. 243 00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:07,607 Again, thank you. 244 00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:13,113 I asked Andy out, and he said yes. 245 00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:14,782 Andy, uh... 246 00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:16,650 The guy you told me to ask out. 247 00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:17,718 ( laughs ) 248 00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:19,186 I just don't know what to wear. 249 00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:22,355 I love this one, but it still smells like pepper spray. 250 00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,093 Where are you going? 251 00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:29,262 To roll around naked on your bed. 252 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,733 I'm just kidding. 253 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,534 I'm going to try on the dress, silly. 254 00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:35,936 But... 255 00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:36,837 but... 256 00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:38,906 Is that lady your girlfriend? 257 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,507 No. She's just... 258 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,175 It's complicated. 259 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,815 What the hell happened to you? 260 00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,516 You know what else is complicated? 261 00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:50,984 Fractions. 262 00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:54,354 You got grease all over you. 263 00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:57,424 It's in your hair, man. 264 00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:00,093 Yeah. My bike chain broke. 265 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,361 Can you fix it? 266 00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:03,263 Kid, I'm a piano player. 267 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,597 What do you think? 268 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,767 Look, your mom's going to be here soon 269 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,101 to take you to dinner. 270 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,369 I know. 271 00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:10,838 So, how about a shower? 272 00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,439 No, thank you. 273 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,875 That wasn't a question. 274 00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:24,317 But my bike's still broken. I think you made it worse. 275 00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:27,654 What are you talking about? Now you've got a unicycle. 276 00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,857 Get in the shower. 277 00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,560 I'm so worried he's not going to like me. 278 00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,262 He's going to love you, Rose. 279 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:38,832 Just go out, have a great time, and don't come on too strong. 280 00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:41,668 Me, too strong? What do you mean? 281 00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:45,038 Okay, well, speaking from my own experience, 282 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:47,174 there's nothing wrong with asking a guy for a blood test, 283 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,809 but actually trying to take the blood yourself 284 00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:50,543 is a little strong. 285 00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:52,479 I see. 286 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:53,713 Where are you going now? 287 00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:55,816 You've got me thinking this dress 288 00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:57,317 comes on too strong. 289 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,086 So I'm going to put on something 290 00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:00,520 a little less "raahr! 291 00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:01,922 and a little more "ooh!" 292 00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:07,560 Jake! 293 00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:09,262 Why aren't you in the shower? 294 00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:11,932 Oh, yeah... 295 00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:27,080 Hi, Berta. 296 00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:30,483 It's me, the, uh, the scrubbing bubble. 297 00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,719 I, I, I came to apologize. 298 00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,822 Okay, thank you. Bye-bye. 299 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:37,090 Come on. Can't, can't, can't we put aside 300 00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:38,325 our, our petty differences 301 00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:40,427 and, and, and find a way to work together 302 00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:43,130 out of, a, uh, uh, a mutual love for Charlie? 303 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,232 Yeah, that's why I do this.... 304 00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:45,899 for love. 305 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,734 The thing is... 306 00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:50,537 I'm, I'm going through uh, uh, a really tough time right now. 307 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,405 My, my marriage is collapsing. 308 00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:56,176 My, my business is slow. 309 00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:58,545 from his mother's house to, to, to Malibu. 310 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,080 My alcoholic husband ran off 311 00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,614 with my daughter's parole officer 312 00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:04,952 and I clean rich people's toilets for a living. 313 00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:08,388 Okay, let's not make this a competition. 314 00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,061 Jake. 315 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,029 You've been in there or a while. How's it going? 316 00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:18,698 Good. 317 00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:21,434 ( rattling ) 318 00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:24,437 ( toilet flushes ) 319 00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:26,874 What are you doing? 320 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:29,742 Washing my bike chain. It's real dirty. 321 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,411 Forget about the chain. 322 00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,014 You've got to take a shower before your mother gets here. 323 00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:44,257 We're going to need a new chain. 324 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,429 ( phone ringing ) 325 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,731 Hello, Charlie's house. May I help you? 326 00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,600 Oh, hi, Alan, it's Rose. 327 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,602 I got in. How'd you do? 328 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,470 Oh, here he is. 329 00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:59,372 It's your brother. 330 00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:01,041 Thank you. 331 00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:07,347 How's it going? Did you talk to Berta? 332 00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:08,815 Yes, I'm, uh, I'm here with her now. 333 00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:10,483 Is, is Jake ready? 334 00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:13,553 Yeah, yeah, we're just applying the, uh, finishing touches. 335 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:17,390 What about Berta? 336 00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,859 The same. Finishing touches. 337 00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:23,630 She's really a delight. 338 00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:26,466 Just, just make sure 339 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,768 Jake is ready when Judith gets there. 340 00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:31,004 Relax. Everything's under control. 341 00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:33,340 I got to go. 342 00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,475 So you like this dress better? 343 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,445 Hang on, Rose. The kid's running around on the deck in his underwear. 344 00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:42,315 Oh, sure, when I do it, you just ignore me. 345 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,550 Jake! 346 00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:44,417 What are you doing? 347 00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:45,485 Air drying. 348 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,587 You still have grease in your hair. 349 00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:48,655 Didn't you wash it? 350 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,390 You didn't say to wash my hair. 351 00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:53,293 Wash your hair. 352 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,527 Okay. 353 00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:58,198 You didn't tell him to rinse. 354 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,368 Good. That's good. Thank you. 355 00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:05,338 Jake! Rinse! 356 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,706 All right, so you won't come back. 357 00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:07,941 Will you at least tell me 358 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,442 how you made the damn coffee Christmassy? 359 00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:10,743 Christmassy? 360 00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:13,713 Yeah, Charlie said your coffee tastes Christmassy. 361 00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:14,714 Oh, cinnamon. 362 00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,683 I said, "Cinnamon!" 363 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,751 Oh, oh, 364 00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:19,386 lower back? 365 00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:20,053 You, uh, 366 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,288 you do a lot of lifting? 367 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,790 Of course you do. 368 00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:25,758 You're a maid and I'm an ass. 369 00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:26,693 I'm a housekeeper. 370 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:27,594 Of course. 371 00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,296 And you're an ass. 372 00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:30,730 Yes. 373 00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:33,233 Hey, we don't you sit down? Let me take a look at it. 374 00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,567 What? 375 00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:35,602 I'm a chiropractor. 376 00:15:37,204 --> 00:15:39,672 Okay, but no funny business. 377 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,510 Not to worry. 378 00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:49,216 Looks like you washed your hair instead of mine. 379 00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:54,387 I'm not in the mood, Jake. 380 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,324 These clothes looks stupid. 381 00:15:57,390 --> 00:16:00,560 You're ten. No one cares. 382 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,362 You're choking me. 383 00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:03,896 Trust me... 384 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,832 you'll know when I'm choking you. 385 00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:09,536 I think my socks are on the wrong feet. 386 00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,571 Jake, dude... 387 00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:12,705 I'm right on the edge. 388 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:18,111 Don't push me. 389 00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,480 I can't do this on someone else. 390 00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:21,548 Charlie! 391 00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:23,250 You look great, Rose. 392 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,686 I don't think I can go through with this. 393 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,588 What? 394 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,223 No, sure you can. 395 00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,559 Oh, I'm going to call Andy and cancel. 396 00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:33,993 No, you're not. 397 00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:35,195 Now listen to me. You're a wonderful woman, 398 00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:36,896 and this guy Andy is going to love you. 399 00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:40,467 Thanks, but you're saying that just to get me out of your hair. 400 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:43,670 No, not just. 401 00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:47,107 Now go out and have a great time. 402 00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:48,708 I... Shh! 403 00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,877 No good-byes. 404 00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:53,446 Just turn around and walk away. 405 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:54,781 Okay. 406 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,151 Good-bye. 407 00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,021 Good-bye, Rose. 408 00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:09,362 What happened? 409 00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:10,730 I have to go to the bathroom. 410 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:13,900 Why did you take your clothes off? 411 00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:17,637 Sometimes I miss. 412 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,572 Okay... 413 00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:20,640 that's it. 414 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,375 I give up. 415 00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:25,778 You are a child, Jake. 416 00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:29,549 Dress, don't dress. Wash, don't wash. 417 00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:33,620 I don't care. You're on your own. 418 00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:36,589 What? 419 00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:39,459 ( moaning ) 420 00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:42,795 Oh, God, that feels so good. 421 00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:45,232 Hey, Berta! 422 00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:47,234 I can't find my... 423 00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,770 Berta, if you're going to do a guy 424 00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:52,105 in the laundry room, 425 00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,374 put a scarf on the doorknob or something. 426 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:56,943 Ah... 427 00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:59,446 I'm a big fan. 428 00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:04,951 Is Jake ready? 429 00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:07,086 Where's Jake? 430 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,490 I don't know. 431 00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:12,392 You don't know? My, my wife just pulled in behind me. 432 00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:13,693 You said you'd have him ready. 433 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,429 It can't be done. 434 00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:18,665 What do you mean, "It can't be done?" 435 00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:23,102 I'm not strong enough. 436 00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:26,873 His will is greater than mine. 437 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:31,178 I'm just going to get drunk and stay out of his way. 438 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,447 Please tell me he's ready. 439 00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:35,915 My parents are driving me nuts. 440 00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:38,151 Oh, well, um... 441 00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,486 Hi, Mom. 442 00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,654 Oh, don't you look handsome. 443 00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,558 Uncle Charlie's got my tie. 444 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,793 Well, you don't need a tie. 445 00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:51,531 Grow up, Charlie. 446 00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:53,266 Bye! 447 00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:55,034 I thought you said he beat you. 448 00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:57,570 He did. 449 00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:00,573 Now he's just screwing with me. 450 00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:04,577 What happened with Berta? 451 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:08,515 Well, it wasn't easy, but I did it. 452 00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:11,251 She won't do my laundry, or get my groceries, 453 00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:15,388 and I have to give her a lower back adjustment twice a week. 454 00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:18,858 And Steven Tyler thinks I'm doing her. 455 00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,495 But, but she is coming back? 456 00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:24,864 Yes, Charlie, she is coming back. 457 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,601 Right on. 458 00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,606 Are you crying? 459 00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:39,779 It's been a very emotional day. 460 00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:45,184 Here you go, buddy. Drink your vodka. 461 00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:57,964 ( playing piano ) 462 00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,932 ( knocking on window ) 463 00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:04,971 ( sighs ) 464 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,340 You look great, Rose. I swear! 465 00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:09,876 He stood me up. 466 00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:11,444 What? 467 00:20:11,511 --> 00:20:13,713 After we spent all day getting ready? 468 00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:18,685 I don't know what I did wrong. 469 00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,152 You didn't do anything wrong. 470 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,454 Then why did he stand me up? 471 00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:23,356 Because he's an idiot. 472 00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:27,360 He doesn't get what a truly rare person you are. 473 00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:31,864 Thanks... I wish Randy could see what you see. 474 00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:34,233 Forget about him. Come on. 475 00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:35,234 I'm going to take you to dinner. 476 00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:36,269 Really? 477 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:38,905 Yeah, sure. Why not? 478 00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:46,579 Hey, uh... 479 00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:48,715 I thought you said his name was "Andy." 480 00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:51,217 What did I say? 481 00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:53,886 You said, "Randy." 482 00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:56,356 No, I didn't. 483 00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:58,491 Andy's a real guy. I didn't make him up. 484 00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:01,794 I love your little tie.